EP #12 - Dealing with Setbacks
[00:00:00] Tanja: Hello, and a very warm welcome to today's episode. I can't believe how time is flying, and if you're one of those that was like looking at yourself schedule and all of a sudden you found out it's March, I hear you. I absolutely hear you. Today, I'm so excited to talk about habits because we talked about them in January. And I don't know about how you have been dealing with it. I would really be curious for you to share with us
[00:00:30] But for me, it hasn't been a straightforward line. So, today I will be sharing about how to deal with setbacks, how to bounce back into your habits and onto your path of reaching your goals for your 2025 to make it an amazing and unforgettable and magical year for yourself. So grab a cup of tea and get ready.
[00:01:34] Can you believe it's March already? Wow! So, I'm not sure whether you are one of those that likes to track your habits with a habit tracker. There are plenty of apps and also paper formats to actually track your habits. I'm one of those that uses an app and I have been rigidly tracking my habits. But then I saw that this little star that I actually gained so well in the first couple of weeks in January started to actually be off and on and off and on.
[00:02:10] And what happened is that I got really frustrated about it because all what I wanted is to see a straight line of all my streaks with this little star attached to each and every day. But then I realized that it's maybe not so easy to actually pursue your habits that you have formed with the best intention of course, that were all geared towards your goal for an amazing and magical 2025.
[00:02:39] But then you realize, hmm, life happens and it happens all around me, right? And sometimes you can influence on how you pursue your habits, but sometimes there are things that are simply out of your control. So, I want to share a little bit of more insights of how I dealt with it because I tried and tested so many things over the past years and this is like what I learned.
[00:03:08] Number one - you really need to build resilience. Resilience is the key factor here, number one, that actually helps you to bounce back if you have gone off road with your habits. And remember always, you know, why in the first place did you form these habits?
[00:03:29] I always find actually the question of the ‘why’ a really good one, because it really helps me to understand again why on earth am I doing all of this. So, answering that question or reading again, if you wrote down your ‘why’, then I highly suggest for you to reread it and build upon that.
[00:03:52] If you, however, didn't do that, which is completely fine, by the way, then you really want to look at your resilience factor. So, with resilience, it’s really something that you build up every time you fall. It's not so important about the fall itself, but it's about like how many times you get up.
[00:04:13] I came across this really inspiring story of Thomas Edison, who made 1000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. And when a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” And I found this truly inspiring because sometimes we forget about that actually, to pursue a habit, it takes maybe some more steps than just doing the habit and just diving into it. So, perhaps this is another way of how to look at. Build the resilience in really small steps - that's your key number one.
[00:05:01] Key factor number two is on how to do the scheduling. Now, let me share a little story about that. Last year, in 2024, I actually started a new habit in January. And I wanted to run each and every day and I was prepared to go for a long streak. And the longest would have been like 100 days. Now, first of all, you need to know that I'm not a natural runner. Not at all. Those who know me, they know exactly that I like to walk, I like to spend time in nature, but I'm absolutely not a runner.
[00:05:41] Secondly, it was January. So, when you live in a country where January is cold and it's actually considered winter time, it's not the best months to start with running because then you really need to think about the gear that you will be dressing up. But also the weather conditions might not be the best because you might not have sunshine and nice temperatures every day.
[00:06:07] So in fact, the temperatures that I encountered when I started off my streak was around zero degrees. So, I really had to think about, like, not only my shoes, but my jogging pants, my tops, as well as my gloves and everything right. And so, I started off beginning of January, and what I absolutely had forgotten about it is that we were actually going for skiing on weekends.
[00:06:38] So, here I am. I'm a firm believer that when you form a habit, it needs to happen first thing in the morning. And also, because I knew that if I would go for a full day of skiing, there is absolutely no way that I would actually wear my running shoes again after having been in my ski boots all day long and then head for a run outside. Absolutely zero motivation for that.
[00:07:11] So, I knew the only way how I can beat that is by doing it in the first thing in the morning. Which meant that my husband and my kids wanted to leave home latest, latest by 7:00 AM to head to the mountains and be the first at the ski lift, which then meant again that I actually had then to leave home around 6:15 AM latest, to go for my run and be back again and ready for departure at 7 o'clock.
[00:07:47] So, now that takes quite some scheduling, right? Because you do that every single day, including Saturday and Sunday, which is exactly the most crucial time because my whole family was waiting in the car when I came back from my running.
[00:08:01] So, scheduling was really the key here because what I discovered was that you have to really schedule when do you want to make this happen. Being it a run or being it something else, whatever, it's reading a book, it's maybe doing some yoga salutations or it's eating healthy, you need to make time for it.
[00:08:29] It's like an appointment with yourself. And that's super, super, super important to do that. So, key factor number two is schedule your habit into your appointment calendar for the week. And the best is, if you are like a planner, like me, and you take the end of the week to plan the week ahead, then you already know how your week will be happening and when you will be exercising or processing your habits.
[00:09:02] Another one, very important key factor, is number three, consistency. Consistency is the one that keeps you going, no matter what. And that was exactly the thing with my running streak. No matter what was thrown into it, I went for a run. No matter what the weather was, no matter how many people said I'm crazy, no matter how comfy it would have been at home, no matter, I would go for my run.
[00:09:37] So on certain days, actually, it happened that I couldn't do it in the morning for certain reasons. And then it happened that I had to do it in the evening. And you know, when you go towards the end of the day and you really feel tired from the whole day working, being busy like everyone is, and then you finally hit that nice evening and all what you want to do is winding down and then it just strikes you when you realize, “Oh, I haven't been out for a run.” And then you have to still do it, else you lose the streak. I mean, who else would know about it, right? It's just you.
[00:10:21] But if you start losing one here and one there, I can tell you this is like how you start losing the whole habit. So, that's why this consistency was so, so important. So, I would actually get up and just do it. And the best way is when you don't think too much about it. Now, consistency can also be just to show up. You know, roll out your yoga mat and just sit on it. If you don't feel like moving, then don't. But the fact is that you took the effort to actually roll out your yoga mat and sit down for a moment and consciously connect with the thought of your habit of wanting to do it, that's already addressing your self-worth. That's addressing the importance of taking time for yourself, which I find so, so valuable. And we'll talk about this in a moment.
[00:11:23] So number four, key factor number four is the self-efficacy. Actually, research shows that it's actually the strongest predictor of motivation and success. It's basically the belief in our own ability to achieve the goals that we set out for ourselves. And it's super, super important to keep that on your radar. So, in self-efficacy, what I mean is also really like work with powerful tools for yourself.
[00:12:00] Remind yourself first of all of the goals, read your ‘why’ again. If you haven't written it down, maybe this is a good time to do it. If you feel like you are falling off the wagon here, then maybe just do it. Just write down your goals again. Make them visible on your desk. Be very clear about what you want to achieve. And then maybe some of the affirmations like, “I'm resilient or I'm capable, I'm strong, I am confident.” And one that I love the best is, “I am worthy.”
[00:12:42] Now, let me tell you something about “I'm worthy” as a little side note. Self-worth is one of the challenges that comes up over and over again in psychology and in sessions with our clients. Lots of things can fall apart in life, or go off track when there is a lack of self-worth. And there is a lot attached to self-worth. So, just let it sink in please, how your self-worth is. And what do you need to actually really nurture your self-worth?
[00:13:29] You are the most important person in your life. Let me repeat that. You are the most important person in your life. Which means that you should always prioritize things that do good to yourself and feed your self-worth so that you can actually give. Because with self-worth comes self-love, self-compassion, self-confidence, self-respect. And when you bring that all in into your beautiful soul of human being, that's when you can spread it to others as well. You will have such an abundance, such an amazing energy that you carry within you that you can spread it to other people around you.
[00:14:27] It's quite infectious actually when you do that with others around you because they love getting attention. They love getting love and they love getting the energy, the kindness, whatever little love you can bring to them. It's one of the greatest gifts that we can give to other people. So, if you can create an abundance for yourself, that's how you can actually spread it all around you. So, it's a really, really important fact here. And that's why with this whole habit thing, what you do is really you feed your own self-worth. You feed your priorities, your needs, the deepest needs you have.
[00:15:14] And that's so, so important because it also means that you respect yourself. And imagine if you can model that to the ones around you, that is such a powerful way on how to treat yourself. I hope this landed in a good note. If you have any more questions, of course, please reach out and also send us your comments. I'd love to actually hear more about how you think about it and how it makes you feel hearing these words.
[00:15:47] So let me move on to key factor number five. Key factor number five is self-compassion. Now this one hit me actually the most, to be very honest, because it's recognizing that we are all human beings and that we are imperfect. There is no such things like perfection, really not, even when you build habits. And if you are like a black and white person like me, either all in or nothing at all, it's a tough one to swallow because I reached a point in executing on my habits where I just had to say, you know, it looks like that I'm perhaps not going to do seven days morning yoga every morning.
[00:16:37] And maybe, I'm also not doing core training every day. So, I had to start adjusting a little bit. And then I felt, actually, I got a sense of failure. I got a sense of failure for myself because I felt that, ugh, now you can't even do that, right? And I had to come around all the way back in to adjust my streak. And my streak at the moment is to do 4 days morning yoga per week as well as 4 days core training per week. And you know what? Since I've adjusted it and I came to terms with it and I radically accepted that this can be absolutely a solution as well, it really helped me. It helped me to execute on it and feel so excited about it.
[00:17:40] And you know what? In most of the weeks, I actually did it five times, sometimes even six times. So, it can happen that I over exceed my goals and when I do that it makes me feel even more stronger. It makes me feel that I can achieve mountains with it. which then gives me this ultimate booster of self-confidence but also the amazing energy that if I can achieve this, despite having a full program each and every day, then wow, then I can achieve so much more. So how beautiful to do that and to recognize that, right?
[00:18:24] And so, to be really compassionate with yourself, be nice to yourself. It's not necessary to whip up yourself. To those that are tuned in more as a black and white, all in or nothing at all, maybe this can inspire you to try out something else. Sometimes we have to tweak it a little bit to see whether a similar or alternative strategy can work well for us as well. So maybe this is what I wanted to convey today to you that, if you fell off your track for your habits and it left you feel frustrated or disappointed or even angry, then my advice would be like, maybe you can review your goals again for 2025 and make them really inspiring.
[00:19:24] And by inspiring, I mean, like, make it like getting goosebumps and then write down your ‘why’ – “Why am I doing this? Why am I pursuing these goals?” And then look at your habits again and maybe tweak it in a way that it suits you well with kindness, compassion, and self-love. So that you feel that you are being looked after by yourself and you feel that you're really getting on track again.
[00:20:00] It's not too late. We only have March. There is so many more weeks in front of us. You can absolutely get back on track pursue your goals for an amazing 2025. Well, wishing you lots of success with this. Please let us know how you dealt with it and which of these five key factors helped you the most. I would love, absolutely love to hear from you.
[00:20:03] Thank you so much for listening today. Hope there was something in there for you to take away. And maybe there is something that you want to even discuss at the next coffee catch up or catch up with your friends over dinner. Sometimes it can be quite inspiring to have such conversations with others and to ask them what keeps them motivated to pursue their goals and form habits. And actually what I find most inspiring is also to hear about other people's habits. So, maybe something here for you to take away. Thanks so much for listening in and have a wonderful week ahead.
