EP #9 – Our Shared Passion and Love
[00:00:00] Tanja: Hello and a very warm welcome back to my show, Your Fertility Counsellor. I'm so beyond excitement about this show today because you can't believe what happened today. I came back after a full day of meetings, and you know who I met? I met so many IVF doctors! As usual, I'm always trying to catch up with the clinics, with the doctors to get a good exchange and to get updates on the newest technologies as well as what's going on on the grounds, and I've been meeting them since Tuesday this week. And every day was full of meetings. And I'm just blown away. I'm so blown away!
[00:01:29] So, I can't wait to share the insights that I got from these meetings with you and the things that we discussed because we all share the same passion, and this is really like to support couples, women, men that are undergoing fertility treatments or that are on a fertility journey to let them know, “Hey, you are not alone. We are all here to help you. And please, please, please reach out to us in case you feel isolated, alone on this journey because you are not.” So that is really the main message that we want to get across.
[00:02:07] So, thank you for joining me today! So, for those that have been tuned with the show, thank you for joining again. And for those that don't know me, I'm Tanja. I'm your friend, Fertility Counsellor, and I'm here for you. So, you know how it feels when you come back from a full day of meetings and you just feel so excited. I can't share enough about my excitement of today and yesterday and the day before because each day I feel just like flying, flying, flying.
[00:02:41] So why am I flying? You may ask. I'm flying because I'm following up with my dear doctors and my network of practitioners that I love dearly and respect dearly because of the work that they are doing and have been doing in the space of fertility. So, when I met up with my colleagues and the medical directors, as well as the IVF specialists and embryologists, we all share the same passion. Yes, we may have different opinions on what to focus on. So, some of my IVF doctors that I'm working with, some of them truly believe in numbers. It's all about statistics and getting those pregnancy success rates right. And some of them truly believe in the patient-centered care. Others believe that the technology, in the embryologist, in the laboratory, must be the correct one, must be the highest standard.
[00:03:41] And I'm just blown away because at the end of it, what I can really feel from each of them is their true passion - the true passion to make a difference in your life - in all those that are facing infertility and that are on this journey to get pregnant and conceive a healthy baby. So be assured that we are all here. Even the nurses that have been working in and out and heard from morning all the way to evenings and weekends, they get up really early. If you have a treatment that is scheduled at seven o'clock, so guess what? The first one to be here is the nurse. And she opens up the center at 5:30 AM to make sure that everything is in place. Not only for you, but also for the IVF doctor, for the embryologist, for everyone that is involved. There are so many people.
[00:04:41] So, once more, going to these IVF centers just helps me also again and again to appreciate and acknowledge the involvement of all these people. If you haven't been to an IVF center yet, let me explain to you who is involved. So, the first person that you usually see is the receptionist. The receptionist is the one that is taking care of your papers and giving you like a rundown a little bit of the timeline maybe, or how things are working. She's also the one who helps you to get a cup of water, maybe some tea or coffee, if that is available, and is really taking good care of you while you are still in the waiting area.
[00:05:30] Then we have a team of nurses. Some of them would be visible around the reception counter, but many of them are actually more invisible or visible later in one of the procedure rooms. Then you have the doctor, of course. Sometimes there is one, sometimes there is more in a team. And then you have a whole team of embryologists.
[00:05:57] So, the role of each of them is really dedicated to the patient's care to the one that steps in with that uncertainty, doesn't know in which way or everything will actually turn out eventually. All what we know is when we enter into an IVF program, there is so much money that you put into the program without getting a guarantee for success. Yes, that's IVF. IVF doesn't give you a guarantee. And if you ever, ever encounter a doctor that would give you a guarantee, be careful. That's all that I can say, because, so far, and having been in this area, working area for the past 12 years, I have never encountered either a clinic or a doctor or an embryologist that was able to give a promise or a guarantee on the outcome from the upfront.
[00:06:59] Yes, there is some hope, a lot of hope actually involved into this. There is a lot of care that goes into this. A lot of focus as well, because we all want to work towards a positive outcome at the end of this journey. But whether or not it will actually be a success and a positive outcome, we don't know.
[00:07:23] Yes, so it's just such a great reminder when you enter into an IVF clinic, the appreciation of working with such an incredible center of full of wisdom and knowledge and experience and the technology that is behind it, you know. I'm always blown away by all what is being put into it and there is always such a steep learning curve.
[00:07:50] So today I learned and yesterday and the day before, I learned so much again, you know, and I've been here for 12 years, but who am I, right? I'm learning, learning, learning a lot, and that's exactly what I love. That's the passion that I have - to never give up and never put with what I know and what I've experienced, but always remain curious. Curiosity is what drives me. What really drives me also to open up and listen to each and every one to see what's in there and what else can be done.
[00:08:26] So, one of the conversations that I had today, and the conversation was really going back and forth because this executive director of this IVF clinic was sharing his passion for numbers and statistics. And he was also a little bit frustrated and sharing about the frustration that, you know, when you look at different websites from different IVF clinics, there is a particular way on how some of the clinics like to present their statistics.
[00:08:59] And this is another one that I actually wanted to highlight to you. Yes, be careful. Because sometimes you end up actually comparing apples with pears. So, when we look at those statistics, we should actually look into, first of all, the resource of the year. So, I've come across some of the statistics that date back about five years ago or even ten years ago, and I can tell you each clinic must have up to date numbers. It's impossible that a clinic has to offer you a five years old statistic. It's absolutely impossible. Each clinic runs a very up to date statistic behind the scene, and so each of them should be actually responsible to put up the actual numbers of at least the past year.
[00:09:54] So now we are in 2025, meaning that you should be able to find statistics that are no older than 2023 on their website. Anything else is outdated. Why is it outdated? It's outdated because technology changes, hormones changes, medications changes, and so we really want to see more actual numbers. So, if you ever want to invest time into comparing clinics, you should look for actual numbers that are no older than the ones from 2023.
[00:10:31] Another thing that is also really, really interesting is really the comparison of a pregnancy success rate that is just done after the completion of the two weeks wait after embryo transfer versus the one that has been done maybe just in the early weeks of a pregnancy versus actually getting to a live birth. Live birth statistics usually take longer because of course, we need to wait another nine months to know for sure that we can actually tick that box, right? So, for all the IVF clinics that have been new to the game, and new on the landscape, they wouldn't be able to be sharing, the numbers of live births. You would want to wait for one more year until you get those numbers.
[00:11:21] But for anybody else that has been around for 2 or 3 years or even more longer, you should be able to actually see live birth rates. Why am I so much emphasizing on live birth rates? Live birth rate is really the rate of actual healthy baby in your arms. And believe me, this is what you want to have with an IVF. You are putting so much time, efforts, and money into an IVF. You want to know what the live birth rate is of the clinic of your choice.
[00:12:00] So that's why the ultimate number that you want to compare is the live birth rate. It's not the LH or SIRT rate and it's not the HCG SIRT rate because, let me tell you why. Some of the clinics just take the minimal, minimal, pregnancy hormonal search that they can detect in a blood test after the two weeks wait, and they would already tick the box of a pregnancy success rate. No matter whether that would actually ultimately lead into a miscarriage a few days later. So, there is not only that, but also some of the clinics are simply not regarding any minimal number of HCG - this is the pregnancy hormone that you want to see in your blood test and not operating on a minimal level that has to be seen and shows up in your blood stream.
[00:13:03] So that's why this is a very fluffy area. That's what I can tell you. So, the pregnancy rate that actually really confirms the best of whether or not you are pregnant is really after the first trimester, because even then, I would say, yes, some women would experience a miscarriage, but I would say by 12 weeks you would have seen a heartbeat and your doctor might have given you already thumbs up that this will be a very solid pregnancy so far he can, or she can see. So that's why it's so, so important to really investigate into those statistics.
[00:13:50] So, this director who was very adamant and also frustrated about what he's seeing, from the other clinic statistics, which I completely understand because it's a very, he's a very, a very determined and very thorough person who likes to take a really very rigorous approach in getting the numbers. So, while he was sharing that, we actually shared from our side that, yes, we agree that numbers are correct, but from my experience, my clients don't necessarily choose and select a clinic just based on numbers. They have different critical factors that lead to it.
[00:14:38] A very powerful one is always the referral of a friend, of course. If one of their friends or a family member has experienced a very positive experience with a certain doctor in a certain clinic, the likelihood that you would actually end up being in the same place is very, very high. That's how powerful personal recommendations can be. So, you can have that with hairdressers, you can have that with restaurants, with hotels, and holiday trips, and the same goes for IVF doctors and IVF clinics. Yes, that's how it is.
[00:15:15] Another one is also to talk to someone that is neutral. Someone that is independent, and it can be a person of trust, of confidence. It can be a counsellor, but also it could be like a TCM physician that is a specialist in fertility. It could be any alternative therapies that actually is linked into fertility that can help you to give an opinion and reflect back on what is it that you are really and truly seeking.
[00:15:52] What I consider my earlier life, and I always refer to that as my earlier life indeed, working in an industry where I was working as a talent acquisition manager, I can tell you, and this is exactly what I was sharing with this director today, is that actually, at the end of the day, it's a very personal choice. Even if your best friend had a super duper experience with IVF Doctor A, It doesn't necessarily mean that you would automatically match with that in a same or equal strong way. And that is based on the experience working as a talent acquisition manager, as a recruiter for many, many years.
[00:16:36] Not because someone has been really, really successful in Company A, if we hired that person into our company, it didn't necessarily mean that this was going to be an automatic success again. Because there are so many factors that actually contribute to success. And one of those success factors is definitely the magic match of personalities.
[00:17:07] And so, it's like the love story between you and your hairdresser. Once you have found the right hairdresser for you, oh, you will surely, surely follow your hairdresser wherever she or he is going - no matter the salon, no matter the location. I follow my hairdresser across different cities because he decided to move from A to B and B to C, and I just continued to follow him. Because I was so, so satisfied with all the cuts and services that he was doing over all those years. So, I was in no hurry and no pressure actually to find a new hairdresser so that's why I just simply stuck with him.
[00:17:56] And the same goes for your bankers. The same goes for any other service where you feel that there is a true connection and there is like this kind of like understanding without sharing too many words. And this is exactly the same that can happen with between you and an IVF doctor. If the moment that you're entering to his or her clinic and you feel understood, taken care of, and being really serious about what's going to happen, and you feel that you are in optimal hands, you wouldn't want to change the doctor. Or, to put it differently, if your doctor chooses to change the clinic, you would automatically go to this new clinic and you would just follow that doctor.
[00:18:47] And this is what we have been seeing a lot actually in the past. It's about the magic match between you, the doctor, and the clinic. And when this magic match takes place and happens, this is like where we see positive things coming out of it. And I'm not saying that this leads automatically to a pregnancy, but usually what happens is, when we feel that we trust someone, we can let go because we don't need to take control over this. We don't need that control anymore. And the moment that you let go, your body goes into, ah, yes. Your body goes automatically into this beautiful calm state, into this relaxing state, into this ‘I'm not worrying anymore’ state, ‘I've got this sorted out’ state, and you can finally lean back and just let it happen.
[00:20:00] And this is exactly, exactly the state where we want you to be emotionally, mentally, as well as physically in that relaxed state. And we are all working towards it. Even if we have different backgrounds. Some of us, they have medical backgrounds, others are psychologists, others have a nursing background - all of us want you to be and to get into this very relaxed and letting go state. That's the one that makes the magic at the end.
[00:20:37] So, I just wanted to share this after having met so many of my colleagues and having had such inspiring conversations and this shared passion for the care of our clients and their patients that goes into this and yes, we acknowledge that there is a lot of money that is being put into an IVF. But what I can reassure you, there is also a lot of heart, a lot of care that is being put into this.
[00:21:12] And if you ever have questions about how to approach an IVF doctor or what kind of questions you would want to ask an IVF doctor or even an embryologist, please don't shy away, don't sit at home and think about it, just reach out to us because we are experts in helping and supporting you to ask the right questions. Also questions in terms of how to select the right doctor, what are the things that you want to look at when you are researching those characters.
[00:21:50] I hope this was helpful to you. I just wanted to share how excited I am because these conversations really help to reinforce once more that we are all aligned to help and support those that are on this journey. And to share and make sure that every single woman, man, couple knows that no matter where you are on your fertility journey, you are not alone. There is a whole crew here that is here to help you and support you, and is there available at any point in time. Please reach out to us if you feel that you would want to speak to either an IVF doctor, a counsellor, any therapist, because there is a wealth of people that have knowledge in this field and can help you.
[00:22:56] Hope this was helpful. Please share with a friend. I know that it's all about also helping friends. If you are not the one being or seeking an IVF procedure, but you have good friend and you have been listening to this episode today because you want to help your friend, thank you. Thank you for taking the time and listening to this show today, to this episode. I really appreciate that. And it shows once more, the care and love that goes into this friendship that you are having with your friend.
[00:23:31] So please share with your friends because it might be just the right timing for them to hear this and it could be a real catalyst for them on their journey. So, thank you again and see you soon in our next episode.
