EP #4 - Your Cycle - And What HE Needs to Know
[00:00:00] Tanja: Hello and welcome to today's episode about your cycle and what he needs to know. We will be sharing what was most helpful to our clients and on how to learn to really plan and live with your cycle and how you, yes, I mean you, as the male partner, perhaps boyfriend, perhaps your fiancé or husband get to know your partner better.
[00:00:25] I'm so so excited to have you here today. Thank you for joining me and I can't wait to start. So, let's grab a cup of tea and get started.
[00:01:15] So have you ever wondered why you feel very excited and very energized in some of your days of the cycle and when you have moments where all what you don't want to is go out for a dinner with your friends and socialize? And, yes, it may well be that there is also hormonal changes behind all this, but, mostly when we look at our cycle, we can actually correlate some of the moods that we are having directly to our cycle.
[00:01:49] So, if you look at the woman's body, we are filled with hormones, right? We have those estrogens, we have progesterone, then we have the luteal phase, and then we also have follicle stimulating hormones, and then we have estradiol, and we have the anti-mullerian hormones and testosterone and so much more.
[00:02:12] So before I'm going on and on and on with all these hormones, basically I want to let you know, it's normal to have hormones and it's very normal to have changes in our hormones. Now, let's take a closer look to what these hormones do during our cycle.
[00:02:32] So, cycles are based on an average of 26 to 28 days. If you have a shorter cycle, we can discuss that separately. If you have a longer cycle, we should discuss it, too. But let's just aim first for the 26 to 28 days in duration. So, it starts with day one. Day one is usually counted as when your period kicks in. So, on day one and day two, we usually feel like not very energized, perhaps, not wanting to really go out, but more cuddle, stay at home and cuddle up, have maybe a nice meal or a nice cup of tea and just maybe watch a show, a movie and just take it really easy and calm. That's a very, very natural response to how many women would feel on day one and day two.
[00:03:39] Because of the period, depending on the flow and the strength and the heaviness of a period, we also lose quite a lot of iron, which means that iron loss makes us feel a little bit more depleted naturally.
[00:03:56] So, during these days, we also want to ensure to eat greens, to eat food that carries iron that helps us to build our iron back. Some people, they prefer to work with supplements, and others, they can easily work with natural ingredients in their food. So, your food should be full with iron during these days. I'm not a certified nutritionist. I'm just saying keep good balance, but just watch out to take iron.
[00:04:32] After that, we slightly can observe that our period is fading, which means that it becomes less heavy. We start to become or feel like a little lighter in our body and we can start doing a little bit more movements and a little bit more sports.
[00:04:54] So during period, during the days one and two, we probably don't want to go for a marathon and don't feel like going for a long runs, which then can change completely on day three where we start feeling more energized and we may actually take up a run again or do yoga classes that are requiring a little bit more strength, or do other stuff where it requests a bit more energy. That's totally fine.
[00:05:26] And then we start building up that energy day by day. That's when we also feel like more in the mood and more going out. So, all our hormones are gearing towards it to moving into our more extrovert side. I'm not saying that if you are an introvert, that you would then become suddenly an extrovert, not at all. But I think even as an introvert, you would be feeling a little bit more excited and more outgoing for your type.
[00:06:03] And then we are moving towards our fertile days, which is day 10 to day 14. And during those days, definitely women would feel more in their body, they would feel more energized, they would feel connection as well, and they will want to actually seek connection.
[00:06:27] So that's why it's really, really helpful if you get a clue about where your cycle is, because then you know, like, what comes after and how will you feel, right? You can also plan maybe a little bit more around these days because then you know these are also your fertile days especially if you are trying to conceive and get pregnant, you definitely want to be together with your partner during day 10 to day 14.
[00:06:58] So, avoid planning maybe any business trips or be separated then because I know that we have busy lives and it can sometimes lead into us being in different places exactly around these times. So, keeping an eye on these days would definitely help you to feel more connected. So, now I'm shifting now over to the guys here that are listening because I really want for you to take some learnings and some tools away.
[00:07:34] So first of all, my first question to you would be like, do you know your partner's cycle? And if you just say, no, then it's very normal. Believe me. We had so many men in our client sessions who didn't have absolutely a clue about their partner's cycle, and that's totally fine. It's totally fine.
[00:08:00] We are in a more modern world now. I think in the old-world generation of our parents, they didn't maybe talk too much about it because it was just a taboo topic. And also, because, you know, years and years ago, and I'm talking about maybe like, 60 years ago, 50 years ago, it was quite normal to get married at the age of 18, 20, 21, and then get pregnant immediately.
[00:08:30] And nowadays it suits the style of our life to actually be together, but not necessarily getting married right away and not having children right away and delay family planning to maybe a little bit the later stage in our life. It may take a little bit more effort. And we are also in an area or in a phase where we talk more openly about cycles and about periods and about fertile days. And believe me, we are here to help to break down all these taboos because we talk about these topics each and every day in our sessions with clients.
[00:09:11] So yes, if you are the guy and you don't know about your partner’s cycle, maybe that's a good way on how to start having a conversation because when you have the knowledge about the length of the cycle of your partner, as well as where she is at at the moment, today and tomorrow, it will so much help you to better understand your partner.
[00:09:39] And why is that? Because the hormones that are flushing in and out of her body have a direct correlation to her mood. So, you may have observed her being like more in a retreat phase and being more absent or not wanting to have sexual intercourse at all. And then you have maybe made the observation that on certain days, she's all over you, or she really gives you clear signs that she wants to have proximity. She wants to have a cuddle, she wants to have intercourse and be in a, in a really intimate relationship. And knowing where her cycle is will definitely help you to also better understand, like, what you can do.
[00:10:35] So, if your partner is on day one to two, and she just got her period and lots of flushing and going to the toilet and having the feeling of heaviness in her body and maybe even stomach cramp. So many women experience stomach cramp. So, it's about taking the caring approach. “Sweetie, can I bring you some tea? Do you need to cuddle? You wanna have a blanket? Or how can I help you to feel even more relaxed?” Maybe she wants to have a little foot massage or maybe she just wants to have that big bear hug from you.
[00:11:17] So, don't often necessarily solutions because women don't want to have solutions usually right away, but maybe just give her options, you know, and just ask her how can I help you? How can I help you in a way that it makes you feel more relaxed and feel more cuddling or whatever? And then comes day three and this is where her period starts to fade a little and that's when you will observe her to be in a better energy.
[00:11:48] And then she's starting, her body is actually starting to build up all those conception hormones. So, we are talking about like, hormones like estrogen, but also hormones like follicles. Follicles are starting to grow. Follicles are the eggs. So, she has two ovaries, left and right, and in both of these ovaries, she will have like three to four follicles on each side growing.
[00:12:20] And nature is such that it will actually choose the one egg that will ovulate. To be able to ovulate, she will enter into a luteal phase as well, which is actually distributed by the growth of her eggs. So, when her eggs are growing, there is another hormone called estradiol or E2, and that will have an influence of the LH, the luteal hormone that is actually the one that needs to spike around ovulation because it really helps the egg to ovulate.
[00:13:02] And when she comes and enters into this phase, oh, she will be more energized, she will feel more verbal as well. You will have wonderful conversation with her then. She will be also very positively engaged and she's definitely able to do like a hiking tour then, or to climb a mountain with you or go on a trip with you, go for long walks, you know?
[00:13:32] So, if you have like topics that have been laying on your chest for some time and you really want to have a good discussion with her around it, your day 3 to day 14, it's fantastic. This will be a fantastic time to do that. Go for a walk and have a great discussion or conversation about those topics that are maybe a little bit more crunchy. So make sure that, you know, she is relaxed, she's in good mood, and then you go out and have those discussions.
[00:14:06] So, if she is on a cycle duration of 26 to 28 days, her fertile days will be from day 10 until approximately day 14/16. So, these are the days where she will be more open, to be intimate, to go out for a romantic dinner as well.
[00:14:29] This is where you also want to be around her, you know, because if you are one of those guys that needs to go on business trips and travel a lot for your business, or you have maybe corporate events that are lined up in the evening, maybe by tracking a little bit the cycle of your partner, you can work around those days in such a way that you can make yourself visible and present and around your partner.
[00:15:01] After the fertile days, the energy will still be there. There will be a slight shift in the hormone changes of a woman's body, and simply because then the egg has been ovulated, meaning that there is no more need to have the follicle stimulating hormone much around then. But, progesterone will kick in.
[00:15:24] So progesterone is the one that helps to build the uterus lining and the uterus lining is really important for the fertilized egg to actually nest in and become an embryo. Once the egg has actually been ovulated, it then takes about five days to travel through the fallopian tubes. And once it has reached the end of the fallopian tubes, it should be like day six when this egg would actually reach the uterus.
[00:16:01] Now, really, really interesting. Lots and lots of our clients always thought that actually their egg will fertilize in the uterus. And I have to kind of like, correct that, because your egg gets fertilized the moment that it gets catapulted through ovulation into your fallopian tube, which means that if you're working with an ovulation stick and you are tracking your ovulation and it shows that you are now ovulating, you immediately would need to have intercourse because sperms need 24 to 72 hours to travel all the way up to the very end of the fallopian tube to meet the egg once it has gotten ovulated. So, keep that in mind that you also want to really have intercourse a few days before ovulation so that your sperm gets enough time, enough hours, to travel all the way to the end of the fallopian tube to meet the egg when the princess appears.
[00:17:20] So coming back to your cycle now, so after the fertile days have passed, energy stays up, get a little shift in your hormones gearing towards building up uterus lining with progesterone. And then something really interesting happens because if, let's say, conception happened and your egg got fertilized and it travels all the way to your uterus to nest in, then you might experience, like, immediately, almost immediately, I must say, many women come back and report how they start feeling really tired.
[00:18:02] And if you have those symptoms, it simply means that your body has detected that something is going on, and it needs to really, really flush more hormones into your body so that it can support this pregnancy and that flushing of additional hormones can make a woman really tired. Or if you feel that, you know, you have like kind of like a sensation of becoming a little bit more irritated or you feel more down in your energy.
[00:18:40] So, this is like when your cycle has definitely reached the peak and is now working towards your period arriving. So, this is when you reach your day 24 to 28 approximately. It's just a few days, just two to three days before your period arrives. Maybe some women snap back. They start to feel more irritated. They start to feel more vulnerable. They feel more sensitive and this is maybe where more quarrels would appear and take place and where women actually really feel highly, highly irritated and tired.
[00:19:24] So, all that I can say is please take it easy on you. This is like were we women definitely need to retreat. We should get more sleep. I usually say drink plenty of water or tea, herbal tea and get really great rest. Make sure that you get enough rest. Don't engage or stay away from engaging into huge discussions with your partner because you might not get the results that you're hoping for.
[00:19:59] Same goes for the guys. If you see that your partner is now entering into like a phase where she is snapping back to you or all, please go back to the cycles, count the days, and see like, whether it is now correlating with your day 24 to 28, because if it is, then you know why it is so. And it's simply because the body is now preparing to shedding off some of the uterus lining. It needs to be shed off. It's very, very important. It's like a cleanse that is happening in our body. And so, this cleanse is happening and the body is now preparing to flush out what is not needed anymore. So, in the flushing, additional hormones are coming out. Some of the shedding of the uterus lining comes out.
[00:20:56] And this is really, really important because each time the body sheds the uterus lining, it gives a fresh new start, a fresh uterus line with lots of blood circulation inside to enhance again the nesting in an implantation, so to say, for a fertilized egg in the next cycle.
[00:21:19] So, some people actually, they like to track their cycle. I have lots of women who do it naturally, especially those that want to conceive and are planning for a pregnancy. It's just more helpful than put it into paper. So, there is lots of actually, trackers, fertility trackers for conception that you can download onto your phone. We have heard good things about Flo and Glow, Fertility Friend, Kindara. Clue, Ovia - these are just some of them. There are plenty of others, of course.
[00:21:54] The best is for you to maybe just go through them and take a [00:22:00] look and see like, which one suits you the best. This is a very personal choice. The same goes for you guys. You just want to know where your partner is with her cycle and sometimes it's easier to have it on your phone, right? So, you can either download one of these apps or you can go to the existing health app of your device and key it in there.
[00:22:25] So, all what you need to know is just once a month, you need to know when the period has arrived and this will always be your day one. So, each cycle always starts with the start of the period, which is correlating to day one of the cycle.
[00:22:45] Okay, great. Good. Thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for listening. I hope this was helpful for you. It was really aiming not only for women, although I must say that women can learn as much, but especially also for, partners, because partners are sometimes really clueless about the period and don't necessarily have the courage to ask or to be engaged into this, but I can truly, truly encourage you now. Have that conversation with your partner because she will so much appreciate if you want to learn more about it and will help you both to create that dream team of engaging and launching yourself onto this fertility journey together.
[00:23:37] It feels also much more supporting if you have this conversation because you can learn so much from each other and by learning from each other, it's also another way of how to bond together into this. You are into this together. It takes two to create a baby. So, I hope this was helpful and I wish you wonderful conversations together, bonding, cuddling, lots of cuddles please, because they all help to flush those hormones as well in our bodies. And please stay tuned when we will be back next week with our next episode. I can't wait to share more of these tips with you. Thank you for being here with us today and have a wonderful day!
