EP #6 - Surviving Chinese New Year with Grace
Tanja Faessler 0:07
Welcome to Your Fertility Counsellor podcast! I'm your host, Tanja, and I'm thrilled to have you here with me today. In today's episode, we need to talk about Chinese New Year - your auntie and your uncle. Yes, trust me, I know exactly why we need to talk about it. I wrote several blogs in the past about it, and today I will share the most important tips with you on how to survive it. Yes, you heard that correctly. It's called Surviving with Grace tips.
Thanks for being here with me today and now, let's get started!
Tanja Faessler 1:28
If Chinese New Year is a big thing in your family and you know that you are going to meet all your family members at the reunion dinner, then you need to prepare. My tips that I'm going to share now, this is proved and tested. They have been used by my clients for many years already, and I continue and continue to share, and won't stop to do that - I promise you that. And it's not only for Chinese New Year, but it's also for Christmas. But Christmas has passed, and we have now Chinese New Year, and that's why I emphasise on preparing you now for Chinese New Year.
Tanja Faessler 2:13
So here is tip number 1 - preparing is absolutely key. So, you know that you are going to meet up your auntie and your uncle. I want you now to think about who else will be there - who will be at this reunion, or who might you be bumping into. I know that your auntie and your uncle, they all mean it well for you, but sometimes they can be nosy people, and they can say things that can be hurting. So I want you to prepare now - prepare for their questions. If they are the type of people that can walk up to you and in front of everyone, they can ask you, "Hey and how about you? When is your baby coming?" or, "Are you trying for a baby yet? You got married one year ago. You should be trying for a baby, it's about time."
Tanja Faessler 3:15
So I know that these kind of statements can come up. They can be extremely painful, they can be hurting you. But believe me, they don't mean to hurt you. These people are just saying some things, you know, just like that. And that can happen. It can happen that people sometimes have absolutely zero intention, but just say something if they are in a very specific mood. So, I want for you to just think who will be attending Chinese New Year on these different days that you might see them.Also, who will be there at the reunion dinner? Who will you maybe visiting? Maybe you will be visiting one of your relatives in their house, in their home. So, I want you to really think about it now.
Tanja Faessler 4:20
So which leads me now to tip number 2. Tip number 2 is keep boundaries. Now, boundaries are here to keep you safe and protected. And also keep in mind, you are a team of two. It's not only you, but it's your partner as well. It's the two of you. So, making babies, becoming pregnant or trying for a baby, is your private stuff. Nobody needs to know about it, because you are also not walking up to your auntie and asking her how many times she is washing her undies, and what does she need to have a good sleep and whatever. So it's intrusive. These are intrusive questions, and they only are meant to be discussed between you and your partner - nobody needs to know that. Now, how do you do that when you want to keep your boundaries? I know it can be sometimes really difficult. And the most difficult part is when you are not prepared. And that's why I'm saying, preparation is key, and knowing what your boundaries are is key, too. \
Tanja Faessler 5:36
Which leads me now to tip number 3. Tip number 3 is that you now prepare one or two helpful answers that you can reply to these comments when they come up. Either you can go with it and with the topic that has been raised, or you change the topic completely. So if someone walks up to you and is asking you, "So, how about you? Have you been trying for a baby?" Then maybe one strategy could be like, "Oh, the weather has been so nice lately. It's been so hot, though. But you know what? I truly, truly enjoy to go to the gym". So you are off to a completely different topic, and that's wonderful. But it can also be, "Oh, my God, I just remember now that I need to walk over to my husband to tell him something before I forget". That can be another strategy.
Tanja Faessler 6:45
Another helpful answer could be maybe to just say like and be very honest, and that's when you want to truly choose to be honest like that, you know. Some people, they feel the strength and feel very grounded and safe to just say, "Yeah, we have been indeed trying, but it just hasn't happened yet". If you choose to go with that answer, then be prepared for all these good advices. They are all well meant, believe me, but sometimes it's just what you are going to hear over and over again. Some people might then say, "Oh, just keep trying - it will happen". Other people might say, "Oh, just relax.Oh, I've seen this couple, and they have been relaxing - going to holidays and relax so well during the holidays and then it happened. So, they just mean it well - keep that in mind. But you may want to really choose carefully with whom to share and be honest and transparent about your journey.
Tanja Faessler 7:58
And then the really most important is, whatever you are going to say, whatever strategy you have in mind with your response is, be friendly. Don't become bitchy. Be really friendly and don't get defensive. So, friendly and smile - keep that in mind. A smile can open up so many doors. So, even if the person doesn't mean it with bad intention, just be thankful that they are around in your life. You never know whenever you're going to share the good news with them and how they will hug you and from their heart, they will love you and be with you on the pregnancy journey. So keep staying tuned with them, and just continue with your journey here.
Tanja Faessler 9:00
So, that's all for it. I really wanted to share these tips with you. Be reminded right now, you and your partner are a strong team. You can do this! You don't have to face fear when you are thinking of Chinese New Year. I know that this is the case for many couples that are invited for Chinese New Year family reunions. So, if you are one of these couples, and you know that this is coming up, the best strategy will be to really follow these tips. Here again: number 1 -preparation is key, number 2 - keep your boundaries, number 3 - develop your strategy and always be friendly and smile. I wish you a wonderful Chinese New Year, and I can't wait to hear from you how it all went. Please share with us your feedback on our Instagram or on the feedback corner. Thank you and see you next week - can't wait!
